Like Gwen Steffani says: I’m just a girl.
But unfortunately, I am that girl who lived in patriarchal system, under oppression of religious and cultural beliefs, also living in a country where the system do not respect the rights of girls and adolescent, especially for their sexuality and reproductive health.
When I had an unwanted pregnancy, I don’t know where to go, I don’t know if I have a choice, I don’t know what is right for me. All I know, I have to get rid the pregnancy for the honor of the family and for my future. Also to avoid the stigma and discrimination from my society.
So I had an abortion, not in a proper manner or conditions, but it done anyway.
During these periods, I kept checking websites to find any information on abortion, but all I can find is the drug dealer and the anti-life campaigns. They all confirmed the feeling I had after abortion, and yet it makes me depressed after abortion. It took 4 years to rebuilt my life after abortion.
Am I regret my abortion then?
Yes, I was. I regret it so badly and thought that every woman who had an abortion will experience the same way like me. So I start the blog, just to provide a sharing space for women who had stress after abortion. And yet so many women response to the blogs and share their personal stories. Mostly dramatic.
Years later, for the first time I learn what is gender and feminism. I gradually learn other perspectives on abortion, I then understand that abortion isn’t just about women’s life, it is also political. Feminism sharpening my understanding and analysis on abortion.
If I look back, I am so upset about my abortion. Not just of how difficult and expensive to access it. But to get thru the whole unnecessary guilty feeling, sad and depression after the abortion. I kept asking myself: really, this is not easy for me to decide, and still that some people or groups want to manipulate how I feel? wants me to feel how they think it supposed to feel?
Now, I don’t regret my abortion. I embrace my abortion.
I won’t be the same person that I loved without my abortion.
I won’t have the life I designed and wanted for myself, without my abortion.
And that is why I stand up for abortion rights.
That is why I became abortion activist.
Because no one can manipulate someone else feeling about the decision they make for themselves.
My abortion makes me a feminist. And I am very proud being a feminist-abortion activist.